Your Experiences

	I’ve been managing a small team of about 10 people in an insurance company. Lots of management courses have told me that the most important part of my role is to lead people and not do their job for them, always to make time for them. I took the latter point very seriously. My staff knew that I operated an open-door policy. After 4 o’clock any day, they could knock on my door and air any issue they wanted. This seemed to be working very well for years, until I started having problems with June, one of the most effective members of the team, despite the fact that she would come into the office to air her grievances more than anyone else. It all blew up when June called in the union, accusing me of failing to listen to her. I was at my wits’ end, wondering what I’d said. I’d been careful to let her do most of the talking. So, I was absolutely confused by the accusation that I’d failed to listen. Then I read Charlie Irvine’s book about cashing in on conflict – all about what we notice when we talk to people. The main thing I got from the book was the use of powerful questions as a technique in conflict management. Everything changed one day when, at five minutes to five, shortly before June was due to leave, I asked her, ‘Is there anything else I should be asking you?’ Well, her immediate relief, or release, was obvious. Yes, she blurted. How about asking me if I’m stressed about getting all this off my chest while I’m worried about getting away on time to pick up my little Eddie from nursery? How about having an open-door policy that starts at 9 in the morning? The amazing thing about this is it left us both wondering who had made the breakthrough.
	I picked up Cash in on Conflict to help me with an issue between two departments in the charity I manage. But before I even got around to that, I found it was helping in my personal life. Maybe the conflict in the office was getting to me. It was a hot summer’s night, three AM, I think. I suddenly caught myself on, hanging out the bedroom window, bawling at next door’s pack of dogs who themselves were out in the garden, howling at the moon. Clearly, they thought I’d joined in, because it made not one iota’s difference, except to my pulse rate. So, no sleep for me, not least down to the adrenalin rush I’d given myself. I spent the small hours re-reading Charlie Irvine’s Cash in on Conflict and began to question whether it was more important to me to continue getting no sleep or to be brave enough to talk to my neighbours. How do you even begin? Somehow, I found myself able to step outside next morning and have a chat with my neighbour before we both went off to work. Thanks to the book, I made no accusations, didn’t point the finger or blame, or even ask the provocative question ‘Why’. I did show some genuine curiosity and concern for his dogs as well as him not getting any sleep either. Next thing I know, I’m in his back garden playing with his dogs. Turns out he’s an insomniac and was in the habit of leaving his back door open for his dogs, so that they could breathe on hot nights. Now, we have an agreement that his dogs can stay out up to eleven at night and I get a good night’s sleep. More than that, he’s bringing his dogs to one of our charity events at the local hospital. The kids will love them.
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